Withered Wings
by Jassy Smiley
Summary: Now a ONESHOT - sorry Lovelies; just don't have time. Previously just named 'Wings'. Bethany and Xavier have escaped the clutches of darkness - but for how long? Can Bethany really live with herself when she seems to be hurting everyone around her? xxLJ


Nothing ever goes as planned.

Xavier was positioned perfectly on our ivory suede couch, smiling and stroking my hair absently, unawares as to the troubling thoughts that crossed my mind. There were far too many to count, and they were surprisingly unusual, even for a girl my age.

Before Byron Bay, the mission, and the love of my life, I remember watching and listening to the prayers of many of the teenage girls. They seemed highly unusual and perhaps a little unimportant in comparison to the prayers of people older or younger. Human girls were curious things, I supposed. Their dearest wish concerned becoming popular, or obtaining a boyfriend. I had puzzled over these troubles, pondering the means by which they had accumulated, or if they were truly as important to anyone other than themselves.

I'd found no reason to believe that they were.

When my sister, brother and I had come to Earth, we had, by default, acquired physical bodies. Much to the mystification of my siblings, I had also acquired a range of emotions, including (to Ivy and Gabriel's chagrin) love. As a result of this, many difficulties had arisen.

Despite the aforementioned difficulties (i.e.: demons, Our Father In All His Wisdom, the High Seven and my two siblings) our love had remained. If anything, though it may sound cliché, it had grown stronger.

In the midst of my pondering, I felt something wet nudge my hand and yelped.

"It's just Phantom," Xavier chuckled lightly, brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes. I smiled sheepishly at him, running my hand through Phantom's grey fur.

"You need a haircut," I told my dog in a mock-serious tone.

He barked at me indignantly, little tail wagging, causing me and Xavier to crack up.

"I think that's a 'no'." Xavier laughed.

I poked my tongue out at him and he kissed my forehead gently, seating me in his lap. Phantom immediately jumped up onto _my_ lap, whining for attention. I giggled quietly, picking him up and hugging him to me. He squirmed, barking madly and I reluctantly dropped him, laughing still.

I repressed a sigh. The euphoria had quickly passed, leaving me back in my thoughtful, and truth be told, slightly depressed state.

Xavier kissed my forehead again, a cleft appearing between his eyebrows.

"What's the matter?" He asked in a gentle tone. I bite my lip, laughing internally. Of course he would pick up on my mood.

"Nothing," I lied unconvincingly.

He raised an eyebrow at me, clearly not deceived. His eyes portrayed his concern for me, and he stopped stroking my hair, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"Beth," he sighed, exasperated.

I shook my head at him, my chestnut-brown curls now framing my face. "It's nothing. I'm fine." I told him firmly. "Honest."

I looked at the floor, purposely avoiding his gaze. Three seconds of looking into the pools of turquoise emotion and I was gone. I didn't want to worry him; he had enough concerns, and I took up too much of his time anyhow. It would be selfish to tell him; he already saw me as his priority, and I wasn't the only thing in his life that needed attention.

He sighed again. "Taylah?" he guessed randomly.

I tensed, and felt him trace circles on my arm with his thumb. A flood of emotions arose at the sound of my once-friend's name; mostly consisting of grief and guilt. As much as Ivy, Gabriel and Xavier had assured me that her death was not my fault, I'd still held myself responsible. After all, Jake could – _would_ – have chosen any of the students at Bryce Hamilton. The fact that Taylah was (sort of) my friend – and that she was nuts for guys in general – made her an easy target. If I'd chosen to turn Molly down on the first few days of school, I would be friendless – but Taylah would be alive. I was too late to save her. I knew that she would be safe with Our Almighty Father, but still I blamed my own foolishness for her premature arrival to Heaven.

Xavier wiped the single tear off my cheek with his thumb, his hand cradling my face.

"Stop blaming yourself," he whispered softly. "It isn't your fault."

He kissed me softly and I wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers clutching at his hair. A loud cough from behind us caused us to come apart. Gabriel stood there with his arms folded, in an unimpressed and slightly intimidating stance. Xavier's face coloured, and he murmured an apology. Ivy was close behind Gabriel, but when she saw us she merely smiled, taking hold of his hand and dragging him toward the kitchen. I chuckled lightly; Ivy had, after the initial shock, adapted well to the unusual situation. Gabriel was less relaxed about it.

Xavier rolled his eyes at me, muttering something along the lines of "I don't find it amusing that the wrath of the Angel Gabriel was close to being sent upon me," which made me laugh more.

Xavier stretched, climbing of the couch. He pulled me up, and we walked to the kitchen, still holding my hand. I sat at the bench, drumming my fingers on the countertop, while watching Gabriel and Xavier stack the groceries (Xavier was still a little overprotective and disallowed me to do things such as put away tins of dog food. For reasons known only to him. Ivy arranged a bunch of white roses and gardenias in a crystal vase from under the sink. I contented myself with watching Xavier, the way the sunlight caught his sandy hair, the way his tanned skin complimented – though it should have clashed with – his turquoise eyes, the way his eyes looked pensive and brooding even in mindless daily tasks. He caught me staring and winked at me. Gabriel caught the exchange and grimaced. I wondered if he was ever going to drop the typical older brother behaviour, before deciding he probably wouldn't.

Ivy coughed and I blushed slightly, tearing my eyes away from Xavier. She smiled knowingly at me, tucking a curl behind my ear. She took a large tin of dog biscuits out of the pantry, rattling it as she poured a handful into Phantom's bowl. Phantom immediately scampered into the kitchen, barking madly. Everyone chuckled at his display, while he crunched on the biscuits hungrily. I shook my head at him, laughing.

"School tomorrow," Gabriel noted. My smile slid off my face. The holidays had truly been like a break from life. All I'd really done was read, go to the church and be with Xavier. It was comfortable, almost like a normal teenage life, in an odd way. Ivy frowned.

"Are you worried about Taylah?" she asked gently.

"Would people please stop bringing it up," I asked in a small voice.

Gabriel looked concerned, and I looked at my feet.

"I keep telling her that it wasn't her fault," Xavier trailed off.

"Bethany," Gabriel said and I looked up at him. His blue-grey eyes were full or concern for me. I looked back down, but he gently tilted my head up. "Bethany, it was most certainly not your fault. You couldn't help it. Humans are fragile things, and the darkness takes advantage of that. The Holy Seven have told me she's finding Heaven quite peaceful," he added.

I sighed. I'd thought – albeit a little naively – that once we were on Earth, we'd at least be able to do our job peacefully – and without opposition – for the first year or so. It'd been only four months, and already we'd encountered dark forces, with one mortality. I always felt guilty thinking of Taylah.

Xavier walked up to me and rested a hand on my shoulder. Gabriel shot a warning glance at him, but Ivy rolled her eyes and took his hand. She led him out of the room, in a poor 'subtle' attempt to give us space. I repressed the urge to laugh; from previous experiences, I knew he'd be back in the room within five minutes, pretending to get a drink or the newspaper.

I stared at my feet, focusing on the brightly coloured spots decorating my socks. Xavier had bought them for me – despite my exasperated attempts to inform him that I did own a pair of sock. More than one actually – because apparently I had feet that 'could put Jack Frost to shame'. Personally I think he just liked buying things for me, which was sweet, but also completely unnecessary. Especially considering I now owned seventeen pairs of socks.

Xavier tilted my head up, cupping my face with his hand.

"Beth," he said softly. My head was angled so that I was staring directly into those turquoise eyes I loved so much. His forehead touched mine lightly, and I was very aware of the short distance between my lips and his.

Low blow, using my infatuation with him to his advantage, but that's Xav for you. He wasn't the debating and public speaking leader for nothing.

"You need to stop blaming yourself," he said firmly.

I dropped my gaze back to my rainbow polka dot socks, blurring my vision until there was nothing but a mass of colours and swirls. My siblings and boyfriend could try as much as they wanted, but it was highly unlikely that I was going to stop feeling guilty anytime soon.

"Mmm," I responded vaguely, hoping he'd take it as an agreement and let the subject drop. Unfortunately, he knew me a little better than that.

"Beth, seriously," he scowled at my non-response. "Surely you can't have expected your mission to go completely smoothly? There will always be risks in this sort of task. Dangerous ones. But if it isn't carried out, there will be a lot more mortalities than if it isn't. You're new to this, and your opposition isn't just going to let that slide. They'll use it to their advantage. By moping about distracted about Taylah, you're letting them win. Please don't blame yourself. Even Taylah would tell you the same."

I looked up at him, surprised by his rant. I exhaled sharply, and decided he was right. I shouldn't blame myself for Taylah's death. I told him so, and he sighed in relief, stretching and pulling me up in time for Gabe to walk in, pretending to have forgotten his (already finished) coffee. We went upstairs in comfortable silence. Comfortable for him anyway.

Truthfully, I was shocked and saddened by Taylah's death. But it wasn't what was troubling me so much lately.

Yes, Jake could have taken the life of any student at Bryce Hamilton to cause a shock. In such a small community, scandals are easily caused and the town feeds on gossip. He had chosen Taylah particularly because she was close to me.

Sure, we were friends, but I never truly connected with the girl. I guess I found her a little overwhelming, a little too self-absorbed and carefree. She and I sat together, ate lunch together, even discussed boys and make-up (however tiresome the conversations seemed to me). But I never really understood her, and vice versa.

But what of Xavier?

He was literally my world. It hurt to be apart from him – I remembered with a small shiver the few days we spent in disagreement two or three months ago. I'd barely eaten, and slept all the time. I was a mess by the end of it.

Whilst our love for each other had proved to be an asset – it defeated Jake and was strong enough to overpower other demons of similar powers – it was also likely to become a liability. The agents of darkness were not going to let alone the fact that something was more powerful than them.

Especially when that thing was so easily resolved.

It was startlingly simple – to get rid of the problem, they needed to get rid of Xavier.

Dark did not see humans as anything but foolish – barriers, possibly slaves, able to be acquired and used to dominate Light. A little like humans often saw animals.

They would think nothing of killing one human boy. If anything, they would consider it horrifying that the aforementioned human boy could destroy one of Dark's own agents. It would increase the motivation to get rid of him.

I wasn't grieving for the loss of my friend – though it did add to my depressive emotions. It increased the amount of guilt I was feeling; how could I be so selfish so as to care more for a living person than a dead one?

But at least Taylah was safe where she was.

Xavier would never be safe.

Dark would keep trying to hunt him down, to remove any obstacles in the way of what they wanted. If our love was powerful enough to destroy one of It's agents, than it was powerful enough to destroy many, if left to become stronger.

And that's why I was scared.

I must be the most selfish angel in all of Heaven and Earth.


End file.
